Amazing practice.

As I mentioned before I have re-joined my Tri team for at least the one or two times a week for run practice. Last night was a true test of my determination. It was hot and we were doing 10 by 400's at a pretty fast pace. Without a time trial to predict my zones, I just ran with someone I assumed I was well matched with. I had no idea I could run that fast. Granted, they were just 400's but our last two 400's I came in around 1:56 which is less than an 8 minute pace. If you would have told me a month ago I would be running like that again, I would have laughed. I vaguely remember those being around the same times I would do years ago when I was training and running a lot faster. This is a good sign. Not to mention that I was so focused on running fast and surviving that other thoughts didn't creep into my mind. When I run, my mind often wanders to my impending surgery. Not last night, I didn't have time to worry or think about it. When I said I was ready to prove that I can run faster again, I meant it. I busted my butt last night and I loved every second of it.

Uhm....really?!?!

*disclaimer to my friend if you are reading-I hope it is ok that I sharing what is going on*

So, I have a running buddy at school, who also was my "pregnant" buddy and so therefore we were also, "pregnant running buddies" as well. We hit the neighborhood as quick as we can after school to get in a decent run before we both go to pick up our little babies from the sitter (they even go to the same sitter and were both about 1.5 weeks apart and of course BFF's). So, we obviously have a lot in common. But, there was one thing I didn't want to have in common with her, or anyone. Being BRCA positive. Through our afternoon runs and talks it came up that her family has had its fair share of Ovarian cancer. That alarmed me as given all my research I've found that OC is not that common in the general non BRCA carrying population. Well, after our discussions she talked with her mom and her mom decided to get tested. She told me last week while we were running that her mom was awaiting her test results. She got them and told me yesterday. Her mom is BRCA 1. Seriously? How is one my closest friends going through something so similar? Why does it seem that BRCA and breast cancer are everywhere I turn?

Updated from earlier:
My friend talked with her Dr. and has decided to test. In fact, she went to the Dr. this afternoon to send in the mouth swab. Oh my goodness. I've also given her and her mom the information for FORCE and the message board/website. I found it very helpful. Sadly, her mother's doctor knows nothing about BRCA and gave her mom some incorrect information. I gave her names for my Dr.'s who are more BRCA savvy so I hope she can get the correct info and stats. Because OC was in the family her mom had opted for a full hysterectomy years ago. Yay for her and that awesome choice which has also decreased her chance of breast cancer. Whew.

As we were discussing it with another group of teachers ANOTHER teacher admitted she is BRCA 1 and has already done both of the risk reducing surgeries. I mean REALLY!?!? How is it possible that 3 people on a staff of 50 teachers are dealing with this? I am in awe. I really am.

I was floating along with my happy bliss and wham this hit me. I burst into tears when my close friend told me which by default started to make her cry. I don't know why I cried it isn't like she is positive. There is a 50/50 chance that she'll be negative. I guess I just cried for all she might have to go through as I know it is so difficult. It isn't something you can't handle just something I wish we didn't have to handle. I guess we'll know her results in two weeks. I will pray that she won't be a part of my club. I don't need any other members.

Update.

So, my emotional wreck posts seem to be diminishing so I'll take that as a good sign that I am feeling better these days. The BRCA stuff doesn't creep into my mind on a daily basis anymore. In fact, there are probably days that go by without me even thinking about it. Being super busy at work and at home probably has something to do with that. My only real reminder of my upcoming surgery is the letter hanging in my kitchen will the dates and info. As I walk by, I often glance at it but then the thought is gone as I hear Carter laughing or a "mommy" from Sean in other room. I have so much in my life to focus on that is good that I am able to let this other stuff be a passing thought. This past weekend was a great weekend filled with so much love and fun with family and friends. Sean turned 4 and had his birthday party and Carter had her baptism at church. It was a great weekend. My mom was able to come with my Dad and sis but she wasn't at her best. Chemo is hitting her hard but she wouldn't miss coming so she came anyway and tried to take it easy. Carter and Sean adore their Nama.

This summer, I do need to begin my first round of ovary surveillance with an ultra sound and some blood work. But, I don't foresee that to be a anxiety provoking procedure. I'll get back to you on that one!

My running is great. I am feeling my speed return and I am loving it. I was in such a rut and now that I am seeing improvement it makes me so happy. A few years ago I trained with a local triathlon team and that was when I was at my peak running condition (and of course biking and swimming condition as well). I decided it was time to go back, so I rejoined the group and have been going to the weekly run practices. I cannot commit to the whole team as practice is every evening and my time with my family is important to me but I can manage once a week. Last week was my first time back and it was great to see all my old teammates and friends and it felt great to push myself to my potential. I was welcomed back with such love and support. I now look forward to Thursday every week. As far as my running goes....I know it is mental. I am strong and I can run faster and longer. Now, I am ready to prove it.

4 week Goal Challenge

So, it has been 4 weeks since I started my goals each week and I have to say it has been a success! I cannot say that I mastered each goal each week but I did make an effort and I am proud of myself for that. Overall, my running has improved, my soda and sugar intake has decreased, I've made an effort to read more to Carter, and even tried to complain a little less about work (even during the most difficult time of the year when we countdown to summer). What I've learned is that just being aware of your weaknesses and fault is half the battle. I realize I have things that I need to work on and it makes me happy to know that I care enough to attempt to be a better person. Posting them on my blog did make me more accountable. If I hadn't been reaching for the 3 day a week run goal I might have not jumped on the treadmill before my core training class night. Thanks to those who have been reading and encouraging me along the way!!

Here is this week's update:

1. Run at least 3 times a week (still hoping for that 10 mile mark). YES, YES & YES! I even had an awesome speed workout on the treadmill last night and I was feeling some of my speed return. Couple that with a nice long run outside and another treadmill workout before body pump and I did it!!!
2. Complain less about work. It is stressful, it is hard, but complaining about it doesn't do anyone any good. OK so I had some aforementioned bad news on Friday, however, in general I did make an effort to not complain.
3. Read to Carter every night. Because of our hectic schedules of bath time and bed we often miss time to read with Carter even though we read at least 5 books to Sean. This is an easy fix. Make reading to her a priority. YES!! We read each night. Making this a priority is one of the most important things I can do as a parent.
4. NO Sweets and NO Soda. Starting....now (yes, I just ate 4 pieces of chocolate...) . After those 4 pieces of chocolate I ate, I had NO CANDY! I did had 2 sodas during the week but that is a huge improvement! Double YAY!!

Oh yeah!!!

A great run...finally!

Though Friday seems like an odd day to run afterschool it was the only day it worked out schedule wise. The weather was perfect and me and my running buddy were worked up about some news we received at school on Friday about our schedule for next year. It appears we will be going to school later (yay!) but getting out later also (boo!) so we hit the pavement with a lot to talk about. I forgot my garmin and neither of us had a watch on. It was the best run I've had in a long time. Without my garmin I cannot be exact but I am guessing from our route it was about 3.5 miles. It was fabulous. I felt great. After the 5K at the Race for the Cure I needed that boost of confidence again. Not only was it a great run but it started off a great weekend in the best way possible!

Bliss for the Cure-Race for the Cure

Wow is all I have to say. I hope my delay in posting doesn’t diminish some of the amazing things that I have to say about this past weekend. As you all know, my mom is currently battling breast cancer. She is about 6 treatments into her chemo (10 left). She had a double mastectomy right before Christmas and will most likely follow her chemo with radiation. So, it is not an easy road ahead of her. One of her co-workers from Volvo (she works for the commercial finance department) started a team in her honor for the local Race for the Cure. I don’t’ know how many people total but it was close to 30, perhaps, and we raised almost 10,000 dollars in her honor to donate to Susan G. Komen. Wow!! My family and I headed down to my parents house for the weekend so that we could participate in the race and take part in the wonderful experience.

As far as the actual race goes, it wasn’t my finest hour. It. was. hot. I mean like sweating through my shirt BEFORE the race started, hot. It was also super hilly, like rolling hills of the NC mountains hilly. I was not going for a PR so I just took it slow and tried to make it to the finish line. I was out on the course alone (as I insisted my much faster husband run ahead on his own as my pace is ridiculous for him) and my thoughts got the best of me. Honestly, I felt like I was holding back tears throughout the whole race. Part of it was joy, seeing what support my mom had being so proud to be part of a great team. Part of it was the horrible conditions and enormous hills and my obvious lack of training. But part of it was my thoughts of fear. I just couldn’t get the thought out f my mind that I hope that I don’t even need a SGK team in my honor. I don’t want to be the one wearing the pink shirt (reserved for BC survivors) in the middle of the picture as everyone surrounds me. I do not want money donated in my honor, I do not want that life. I know it sounds silly but that is what my mind was focused on. I also would waiver between sadness, joy, and anger. Angry that my family is even put in this position and I am dealing with this. 10 years ago to the day I was walking across the stage at JMU getting my under grad degree. I had no idea that in a mere 10 years breast cancer would be such a huge part of my life.

After we finished the race (and rehydrated a little) we were able to enjoy some fun at the team tent for the Bliss for the Cure team. The kids had a great time and it was a wonderful day for my family. I am so grateful to all those that donated to my personal page or to my mom’s team. My mom was too weak to walk this year as chemo is hitting her hard but next year, she’ll be walking with us and she’ll be strong again. And if it is up to me, I’ll never be wearing a pink shirt at a Susan G. Komen race.

Week 4

Week 3 goals:

1. Spend less time on the computer when I am at home with my family. I did make an effort.

2. Run 10 miles this week. No, but I did run 3 times and I think that is a more appropriate goal. Due to the craziness of my school schedule it is difficult to get in too much mileage after school as I have to pick up my daughter at 4pm.

3. Push myself during the Race for the Cure 5K this Saturday. Finish the race with nothing left! Yes, I almost puked after the race!

4. With regards sweets and soda--moderation!! (1-2 sodas and 1-2 sweets total all week). No, it is obviously an all or nothing game with me. I have no will power. Lets go back to NO sweets/soda.


Week 4
1. Run at least 3 times a week (still hoping for that 10 mile mark)
2. Complain less about work. It is stressful, it is hard, but complaining about it doesn't do anyone any good.
3. Read to Carter every night. Because of our hectic schedules of bath time and bed we often miss time to read with Carter even though we read at least 5 books to Sean. This is an easy fix. Make reading to her a priority.
4. NO Sweets and NO Soda. Starting....now (yes, I just ate 4 pieces of chocolate...)


Game on!!